I used to think that I didn't have much of a testimony. I was that kid that was born and raised in a Christian home; I knew all of the Bible stories and I could recite memory verses in my sleep. Recently, I was challenged to look back on my faith and analyze how certain events or portions of my life have shaped my walk with Christ as well as my personality as a whole. It broke me, in a way, to realize that there were absolutely times in my life where my faith was completely stagnant. However, this has shown me just how far I have come in my walk with the Lord and I am all the more grateful that He has never given up on me.
You have a story. Everyone does. This is just a little piece of mine.
In May 2008, my mom was diagnosed with stage two Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Cancer. As a little girl that had just turned twelve, the thought of losing my mom was more than words could possibly describe. Images of what I thought my prom night or my wedding day would look like without my mom by my side haunted me for weeks. It was made evident very early on that this form of cancer was extremely curable, and after six months my mom would be expected to make a full recovery. While this was incredible news, I still could not get over my anger with God. My parents were so strong in their faith and encouraged me to trust in God and know that this was all a part of His plan. I didn't feel that way. In my stubborn mind and hardened heart, it seemed to me like God had left us. Looking back, that was such a selfish and foolish thought. Time and time again, the Lord revealed Himself in huge ways but I just would not allow myself to see it. Bitterness is death. It steals every ounce of light you have. The worst part of all of this was that no one knew how I was feeling. I put on this front that allowed me to shut everyone out.
I remember the night that I finally let all of this go. It was a Thursday night worship service at our youth group. The song "You Never Let Go" by David Crowder was played. There is a line in the song that says, "In joy and pain, in sun and rain, You're the same, oh, You never let go." As this line was repeated over and over again, I felt my knees go weak and my hands go numb. I finally allowed myself to let go of the illusion of control. I remember running through the door and jumping on my mom's bed and just crying in her arms. He never let go.
Friends, I want to encourage you that in the darkest moments when you feel like you have nothing left, He remains. This is just one example of many where God showed me just how faithful He is. No matter how far you wander, no matter how much wrong you have done, He has never stopped pursuing you. He has never stopped loving you. I am saying this to myself as much as I am to you.
You have a story. I pray this small part of mine was in some way an encouragement to you. Keep fighting. Keep pressing on. One verse that has been on my heart as I have been writing this is Romans 8:37, " No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us" (ESV). We are MORE than conquerors. He has already won. Rest in that promise.
Written by: Adyson
Blog Picture by: Capturing Paradise