When Comparison Costs You Friendship

You know that seemingly perfect girl who is one or two stages ahead of you in life?
Maybe she’s already…

• chosen her college, and you’re still deciding
• started her career, and you don’t know what you were created to do
• engaged, and you’re still looking for the right guy
• a mom, and you’re still waiting for that time to come
• bought a house that looks like Pinterest, and you’re still living with your parents
• dressed to perfection, and you just can’t afford it
• achieved the body you want, and you can’t get up the motivation to go to the gym

 
I can think of multiple girls like that in my life… that fit in multiple categories. No matter what stage of life I’m in, and what next steps I accomplish, there’s always a girl just a couple steps ahead, who I think is a couple notches closer to perfection. Sometimes these girls are my friends, and sometimes I barely know them. Can you think of anyone like this in your own life?
 
Let me fill you in on a secret I’ve learned over time: Those girls aren’t perfect. And you know what? Chances are they could pinpoint even more girls who are steps ahead of them, and closer to their ideas of perfection.
 
You see, comparison isn’t a fair game to play for anyone. What God has prepared for these girls is different than what he has for you. Just like a pre-med major can’t compare their homework to an education major’s (hello, wildly different material and goals), you can’t compare your struggles and triumphs to anyone else’s. Any struggle you face is given to you by God to strengthen and prepare you for his plan’s in your future. And don’t you go on any longer believing there are any perfect girls who do not face struggles. If you can’t see them, they’re either desperately trying to hide them, or you don’t know them well enough. Refusing to recognize that other girls face struggles—in areas you may excel in!—will get in the way of countless friendships. 
 
“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Galations 1:10, ESV
 
Think of those “perfect” girls that you barely know, but just see around school, on instagram, or anywhere else. Sometimes these girls have the potential to become my friends, but I let comparison continue to stand as a daunting roadblock to ensure that never happens. Comparison can cost you friendships when you refuse to acknowledge and fight it!
 
Not only can comparison cost you nonexistent, though potential, friendships. Comparison can silently but aggressively build up walls to separate even the closest of friends. When comparison stays around for too long, you lose your ability to be vulnerable with that friend. You start to get jealous, and jealousy can lead to bitterness. Do these sound like characteristics to nurture a friendship? Absolutely not!
 
So what do I do?
 
Here are a few practical steps to eliminate comparison…

1. List your strengths. What are you good at? What have you accomplished recently? You’re not made up of only weaknesses!
2. Read your Bible. Scripture is full of promises for you. One of my favorites is:

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” (Phil. 1:6, ESV)
God is not done with you yet!

1. Pray! Ask God to give you a heart of contentment. He does not want you to fill your heart and mind with comparison. If you ask him for help, he will generously help you defeat this battle!
2. Talk to your friends about your insecurities. Do it in a kind, humble way, rather than accusatory. I bet you’ll find that they have insecurities that they compare to others as well. Believe me, you are not alone in this!

Written By: Emily