The Depths of Identity

   identity

 

[ īˈdentitē ]


NOUN


noun: identity · plural noun: identities

1.the fact of being who or what a person or thing is:

 

 

     The tears that leave my pillow wet from the night before are getting too old for me, I start to forget how to cry and just go into a deep lonely state of depression. My thoughts seem louder the moment I second guess them and the more I believe what I hear, "look at her, she's ugly, why dose she look at way. She's not 110 pounds she's like an elephant." I brush my hair with my hand to try not to look awkward. I hold my arms closer to me not because there is limited space around me, but because I look to see who is saying these things about me. I look around and no one is in sight. All there is, is a mirror in front of me. I look into the mirror and look into those deep eyes heavy from tears. I soon came to realize, it was me in the mirror. I was feeding myself these hurtful and mean lies. But why? Why was I doing this to myself? 

 


2 Corinthians 10:5 New International Version (NIV)

5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

 


    Society tells you, you need to be thin smart, Beautiful, and outgoing. By what we see in movies, Facebook, Instagram, magazines, music, t.v shows and programs. For everyone the demand on their identity can vary. Meeting up to these standards can be draining, time-consuming, and can take you into a place of lack of self worth. Then why do we find ourselves in this place of lost identity? I truly feel we go into this place because the enemy knows and is fearful that we will find who we really are in Christ he knows that we have the authority in us to over come. Just as scared as you are with being yourself, he too is scared of u finding who we are meant to be. He rather try to make you believe that your identity comes from how you look in your profile picture on Facebook, what you can do at work or school.  He wants to destroy you, "Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. " 1 Peter 5:8 The thing is that we are not alone because there is a God that knows how much of a struggle this can be, He went through some of the same struggles. Throughout the bible, even Jesus identity was tested  by satan " The tempter came to Him and said, " If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread. Jesus answered, " It is written: Man dose not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God. " Matthew 4:3-4

 

       For me growing up with sisters was always a struggle and I would compare myself with them. I would wonder, would I be thin like them, would I be as smart, would I be tall and beautiful like they were. There where times in high school that I did not want to walk in front of class because of the fear of what they think about me. I would sit very still in my chair hoping that they will not see me. It was the lies I was hoping would not see me not so much the people. I would make every effort to not have to get out of my seat. I could not even image the day I would love myself because of my wavy hair, brown eyes, and pear-shape body. I longed for the day to be someone I am not. Hoping make-up, friends, drama, movies could fill this longing. Then I would not care what people thought of me. But no it just left the same longing in my heart. The Revelation of who I am came something like this , You child are not of this world come alive. I want you to know your true colors, your true identity so you will believe the image of God that you see in your face. Then you will be confident in the callings that were put in you from the beginning of time. Gods will on your life will come alive. By you seeing your identity in Christ. " Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what Gods will is- His good, pleasing and perfect will. " Romans 12:2   On April, 26 2015, while miles and miles from home, I wrote in my journal, this is the day I say to myself, I love you Brianna because the revelation of who I am is so real to me. My value comes from the cross not man. I am who God says I am it is not my face being known but it is Gods face being shown. I am free from the heart ache. I am taking back what's been stolen from me and putting it in Gods hands.

 

    It was once a dream to see how God sees me and for me to truly believe it. It is reality it is as real as you and me. looking back, I could never see this day happening in my life. I sit here in forth smith, Arkansas in my apartment writing to many young girls my testimony on braking free from lost identity. Be willing and open with God. He already knows who you really are meat to be. This beings freedom ! Capture the lies when they come, recognize the lies and ask God to reveal the truth. Do not let the world mold you into something you are not. Dreaming is for the ones sleeping, vision is for the ones who are awaken.

            Written by: Brianna