Ring Before Spring

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“Emmanuelle, I hope you do not get married late in life.” These words were spoken to me by a family member and this simple sentence triggered my thought process. All I could think in that moment was, “Why would they say that to me? Did they not think those words could hurt me?” For some those words would not hurt but for me it brought up years of hurt feelings. I am 22 years old and for 22 years of my life I have been single (I discount the only romantic relationship I had in 6th grade that lasted a week.). I have had few “almost boyfriends” and “what ifs” but no one who committed to idea of me as a romantic partner. Recently, I became more aware of the pressure that women around my age have to find a partner. It’s called “Ring Before Spring” where a young woman has until the Spring semester of her senior year to land an engagement ring. I never fit into this picture and the question I was always asked was, “Why?”

In high school when romantic relationships became more prevalent and acceptable I started to feel the pressure. I wanted a boyfriend just to have a boyfriend. I thought if I had a boyfriend I would be cool and people would think that I am loved. Desperate for a boyfriend, I would catch feelings for any boy who was kind to me and when I realized the feelings were one-sided I would cry myself to sleep and listen to John Mayer because I thought I wasn’t loved (I was a very dramatic teenager). This became a cycle: I would like a guy, nothing would happen, cry, John Mayer and Blue Bell Ice Cream, and repeat. Each time I repeated this cycle I didn’t realize I was creating a deep insecurity and low confidence because of a false idea I had. I began to ask myself, “ Am I not good enough to be pursued? Do I need to put myself out there so guys know I am single?”. My thoughts then turned to, “Maybe I should lose some weight and apply more makeup. Maybe If I wear this tight shirt guys might notice my body”.  Looking back, I thank the Lord for my singleness. No boy could ever heal my heart or love me the way I need to be loved. The love I was seeking for can only come from the King of Kings.

“You are absolutely beautiful, my darling there is no imperfection in you.” -Songs of Solomon 4:7

This verse is the love I wanted and the love I receive from Christ. I am His bride and so are you.

• For years I have been fighting a battle in my mind. I realized that I have let society paint a picture for me of what love looks like and it is false. In my mind I have fell into a trap of “I need”. I need  to have a boyfriend of 5 years who co-parents a dog with me and then proposes to me. I need to find my husband in college and he has to have a major similar to mine so our schedules match and we need to start planning our future. I need to not get married late and fulfill that family member’s desires for my life …  I thank God that He whispered in my ear, “Why? Why do you need to check off all these boxes to feel valued?”  A boyfriend, or a husband, will not bring me true uncircumstantial joy- that kind of joy comes only from The Lord! Now, at the age of 22, I have finally realized that I do not want a boyfriend right now. I want to sort out my issues with God before I enter into covenant with someone. I want to love God with all my heart and walk in that. I want to be a Godly woman before I enter into a Godly relationship. I want to stop allowing society to paint what love is for me because romantic comedies are fiction. My life isn’t like Pride and Prejudice and I may never have a Mr. Darcy but I will have a God fearing husband, if God wants that for me. I want to stand firm in my identity as the bride of Jesus Christ. So right now, I am truly content with being single. I pray that I use this season wisely and that I grow in my faith. I pray the same for anyone who can relate. You are not alone, sister, and remember you are loved.  I don't know what God has for me but I know it will be good. I don't know what God has for your life but it will be good.

“My sister,my bride, you are a locked garden - a locked garden and a sealed spring” - Song of Solomon 4:12

I know our season will come. And when it comes we will be ready.



Written by : Emmanuelle Ekibolaji