I 'm A Failure

The words read failed in the right-hand corner of the paper. “You are a failure” You always fail at these things. You are worthless.” These thoughts rang in my head as I stared at the sheet of paper in my hand. I had just taken a four-hour exam that held my future. This has got to be a mistake. How in the world did I fail?  I studied half a year for this.  I folded the paper quickly and shoved it in my purse. I stepped onto the elevator and the thoughts continued.  “Everyone knows you were taking this test today, you can’t tell them you failed. They are forever going to see you as a failure. You will never amount to anything.” I reached my car and collapsed in the seat. How did this happen?  I just threw my entire future away, by failing this test.  I had just failed my licensing examination and I had no clue how I was going to move forward. I called my parents and told them the news while sobbing. I ugly cried all the way home.
 
Failure is something I had not experienced in a long time. I was furious. I was furious with myself and furious with God. I could not believe he would allow me to fail this. I prayed so hard and studied harder than ever.  For once in my life, I felt like God had failed me. It pains me to even write those words but that is truly how I felt. I had never been so upset. This was my future and I felt like I was following where God wanted me. Not to mention I paid a lot of money for the examination.  Days went by and I began to distance myself from the Lord.  I stopped attending my young adult group and paying attention in church.
 
One day, God spoke to me and he whispered gently, “I am going to use this failure.”  It was painful to hear but this verse came to mind.  “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you” Hebrews 13:5. I had memorized this verse long ago when my grandfather shared this verse with me when he was going through cancer treatment.  With that simple whisper “ I am going to use this failure.” I began to adjust the way I had been thinking. I realized I had bought into the lie the enemy had told me “You are a failure and God failed you.” Yes, I did fail, but my worth is not based in my performance on an exam, even a national one. God did not fail me. He was with me every step of the way and he has something better for me.  I want to encourage you if you are in a time where you feel like you completely blew it. God is not finished with you yet.  He has not left you. He is walking with you in this time. Remember he will never fail you and will never leave you.  I challenge you to memorize this verse and every time you feel defeated or doubt God’s faithfulness pray this and repeat it over and over until you truly believe it with your whole heart.
 
How God is using my failure/ lessons learned:
 

1. I can share my story with you.
2. I can now look back at this experience and know that my identity is not based on my work profession or performance.
3. My parents love for me did not change even when I failed
4. People understood I failed and encouraged me to keep going
5. Being honest about failure is hard, but other people have also failed something too.
6. My trust in Christ has grown immensely
7. Perseverance is key (I am currently studying to take my examination again in June)
   These are a couple of things I have learned from my failure. I challenge you to reflect on your failure and see how God is using it.  God has a purpose for everything and every struggle we go through. So take this failure and let God use it for his glory!

These are a couple of things I have learned from my failure. I challenge you to reflect on your failure and see how God is using it.  God has a purpose for everything and every struggle we go through. So,  take this failure and let God use it for his glory!

Written by: Rebeccah McCully