There are perks to having a great memory. I never forget a birthday. I remember that my husband despises mushrooms. I can tell you the things in life that make my baby sister (who isn’t such a baby anymore) cry, and I never forget moments that were made in my front yard. However, with this trait, there are other (not so happy) things that I DO NOT forget. I will never forget the boy that pushed me on the playground in the third grade. I remember exactly why I cried in the bathroom the first day of freshman year in high school. I remember deep heart aches and pains caused by various circumstances or people. In short, I remember it all as if it were yesterday. There is a word for this…. It’s called bitterness.

For anyone out there who knows what bitterness feels like, you are probably saying, “Amen sister, preach!” You know what it’s like to “FORGIVE and NEVER FORGET.” For those of us who have dealt with being bitter, we LIVE by this motto… Seriously. Over the past few years, God has taught me a little bit about bitterness and anger. It not only destructs our feelings about the past, but we hold on to those feelings for those that God has for us in the future. There are so many times that I catch myself not trusting my friends, not trusting my family, not even trusting my husband… This is not because of anything they have done to me, but it is the bitterness of my past which overtakes over my heart, whispering, “Nobody can be trusted. They will all hurt you. Are you anxious? Good. You should be. Trust nobody. Stay angry.” This voice will self destruct, it will keep me up for hours during the night, and it will break all hope of living a life of freedom, a life that God calls me to live. It can truly take over.

I lived this way for years and not just within my circle of tight knit people. It even destructed the way I viewed God. There were nights that the bitterness ATE at me so much that I couldn’t even reach deep enough in my heart to pray. There were moments of anguish where I would slam my fists on my bed, screaming and asking God why certain things happened in my life or asking what I did to deserve pain. There were many drives taken down Highway 82 in a small town in Texas and down Cat Square Road in Vale, NC, where I was desperate to be angry at someone… and that someone was going to be God. Lately, I’ve thought a lot about my past. I’ve asked myself why I was so angry and why I was so bitter about life. It’s very simple. I thought that I DESERVED happiness. I thought the world should give me something in return for all the pain I went through, the pain I saw. Essentially, I thought God himself OWED me more than the cards I had been dealt. At the time, I couldn’t see this. Now looking back, it all seems kind of comical to me. I thought God, the guy who gave me breath, family, friends, grace, SALVATION… OWED ME SOMETHING. Put in simplistic forms, I feel crazy typing that out and coming full circle to realize that I truly believed that the big guy wasn’t giving me enough.

As I sit and think about Jesus’s life, a few verses come to mind…

 

{Isaiah 53:12} “And by his WOUNDS we are healed.”

 

{Luke 9:22} “The Son of Man must suffer many things and be rejected by the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed and be raised up on the third day.”

 

{John 1:10} “The world was made through him, yet the world did not know him.”

 

The man (Jesus) came to Earth with no purpose but to capture our hearts. He was rejected by all, even his best friends and closest family members. He CREATED the world, yet no person and no thing in the world could understand the depth of his feelings, his thoughts, or his purpose. So many of us, myself included, continue to deny God, because we feel that God in his infinite love, wisdom, and grace OWES us more than what we have been given, when in all reality, we have been given everything. Jesus endured his life, because he knew that his life wasn’t finished until the cross. He believed that God had more in store. He persevered when he was hungry, loved people relentlessly when they didn’t love him back, and had FAITH in God and others, even when the present day told him that he shouldn’t. This is where SO many of us go wrong.

 

We focus on the present and forget that there is SO much ahead. We long for what our neighbor has when we flip through social media. We hold on to grudges, resentment, and anger so that we don’t have to face those that have hurt us. WE LOSE FAITH when things aren’t exactly going our way, and we forget that better things are coming. The hard truth in dealing with bitterness, anger, entitlement, and resentment is that God NEVER promised us that this life would be easy. He never told us that living in his truth meant that we wouldn’t be lonely. He never even told us that we would find, “happiness” in this life. He calls us to cast our bitterness, our entitlement, and our anxieties this world gives us away, because  just as he gave his son (who knew his entire life led to suffering on the cross) certain promises, he also left one for us.

 

{Romans 8} We are children of God, heirs with Christ. Therefore, the sufferings of this present earth are not worthy to be compared with the future glory (in our real home).


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  Being a friend can be one of the best things in the world, however it can also be one of the hardest jobs in the world. There are numerous parts behind being a friend:

1.     Being a good listener

It is so easy to spend the whole time on a lunch or dinner date with a friend talking about yourself. However, part of being a friend means that you stop talking and listen to what burdens them or what is on their heart. During this time it allows you to soak up what they are saying and give them a listening ear that is willing to hear what they have to say.

Listening also lets them get everything they need to off of their chest and tell someone they trust about what is going on in their life. It is important that during this time you are engaged and do not try to present a solution for every hard situation.. because there are not always a solution that you can make. However, I have been in lunch date conversations where I know I need to say something but have no idea what to say that is full of wisdom and understanding. That is when I pray during the lunch for God to grant me wisdom and understanding where I do not have it.

2. Doing things they like to do

Spend time doing things that you both like to do and things that you are both good at. This allows you to do new things that you might not have tried before. It also gives them the opportunity to do things that you like to do and may not have done before.

3. Don’t be scared to tell the truth

One of the hardest parts of being a friend is when it comes to telling the truth. Say one of your friends is going down the wrong path, as their friend it is your responsibility to bring to their attention the things that are not according to God’s plan (as nicely as you can, do not go in angrily or judgmentally). It is your job to do this because of the love that you have for them and the desire for them to accell and not to experience the hurts that my be ahead.

4. Be loyal and forgive

Everyone messes up. Even your truest and best friends will mess up. But when this happens we are called to forgive them and to give them a fresh start.

This is a two sided relationship though and you have to be loyal. Do not talk bad about them behind their back or tell others the secrets they share with only you.

5. Want the best for them

Part of being a friend is loving the people around you. When you love someone, you want them to succeed and excel in whatever they do. In order to be a true friend, you should want the best for them and for things to go good for them.

6. Don’t let your own stuff get in the way

Life gets busy and schedules get complicated, but try your hardest to not let your stuff get in the way of date nights with your girlfriends or a phone call every week with your accountability partner.

7. When you get a boyfriend, do not ditch your friends

We always see this in the movies. Boy meets girl, girl meets boy, they fall in love and ditch all of their friends. In the middle of the movie something goes wrong in the relationship and the boy and girl try to go back to their friends but have none left. Always remember the friends who have your back and who are their to support you. Yes, they want whats best for you. However, you have to spend time with them and show them attention too. Do not devote all of your time to your new boyfriend. Plus every girl needs girl time right?

8.  Cry when they cry and laugh when they laugh

Part of being a friend is being their in the moments when it is time to laugh and enjoy the happy times. This is when it is the funnest to be a friend and the memories that come with it.

It is also part of being of friend to be their for your friend when she is crying and hurting. It’s the friends job to lend a shoulder to cry on and to cry with them. This forms a bond that is very hard to be destroyed.

9. Do not be needy

Understand that there are other people in your friends life too and they are allowed to hangout with them too. It is not wrong to hang out with different people and to go out with other people. Which means that you can do other things with other people too!! However, do not forget about your friend and make sure to set up a time for just the two of you. Or go out with a group of friends together!

10. Have fun

Have fun with your friendship. Do crazy things together and remember the fun things you do. Take pictures and make memories.

Written by: Lily

     I slam my car door and sit in silence, I see people around me and think “Man I hate this feeling!” What feeling you may ask? Loneliness. In every stage of life there is a day, a week, and a season that one may feel lonely. Well to be honest I have been in that season. The season where I longed  for a true friend, someone that would sit and listen to my problems, someone that would just text me something funny because they thought I would laugh, and  I longed to have solidified Friday night plans every weekend. Have you been there?  Loneliness is a place that I don’t like to visit. I am a very people oriented person and being alone is just not for me.  I can definitely do activities alone and even live alone but when the feeling of loneliness creeps in it can be a scary place. The feeling of loneliness can bring about emotions questioning who you are, doubting that people care about you and the list goes on.

Why does the feeling lonely really suck?

We were made for community. We were designed by God to be social people.  Loneliness sucks because we are naturally made to long to be with people and a part of a community. As Christians we are charged to be in the church body for community and build others up. Loneliness also sucks because it is often times out of our control. We cannot help if our friends move away, our friends have plans or our friends and families lives change.  

 

So what do you do about your loneliness?

 In my loneliness I often items don’t know what to do. I have found myself scrolling through my phone trying to figure out who I could hang out with.  What we as daughters of Christ should do in our loneliness is seek God. Now this might sound like a church answer but it is the truth. We need to look and see what God is wanting tuo teach us in our loneliness. We also have to be reminded that we actually are never alone.

Isaiah 41:10 : Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

In your loneliness you have to be reminded that God is with you. He will never leave you or forsake you. Even if you are alone God is still there. Even on the Friday nights that you have no plans he is there.

Ideas of things to do when you lonely

1.     Spend time with God

2.     Read a good book (Karen Kingsbury I highly recommend)

3.     Rent a movie

4.     Go to the Gym

5.     Go on a date by yourself to the movies

I would be lying to say that these ideas satisfy my loneliness all the time.  However we as daughter Christ can wallow in our loneliness. We have to rise above even though it is hard. We have to give our loneliness to God and let him be our strength and the place that we find peace and rest. There is no quick fix to being lonely, however what I can challenge you to do is don’t give up on people. If you get rejected from one friend try getting together with another and if you end up still alone know you tried and that loneliness does just last for a season and that season will not last forever.