Overcoming the Obstacle of Identity

This is a question that I’ve struggled with my entire life. Frankly, I believe that I’ll never not ask this question. I’m gonna make ya'll a deal; if I give you some past scoop and some present dish (four course meal if I say so myself), promise me that you’ll be honest with yourself as to where you stand with this question. These next few things I’ve learned have become concrete to the foundation of my life. It’s a lot to feast your eyes on so choose wisely. When I was a wee lil gal, I was insanely quiet. I would only follow people around and do what I was told. As most people would blame this on being the middle child, I blame it on myself and my bangs (they’re not for everyone, folks). I’ve been ‘5”6 since the fourth grade and was super chubby when I was young. I wanted to be popular and have friends and the only way I found that was through following others footsteps. I took acting as a child. After getting out of my comfort zone that I practically hibernated in, I figured out that I could be whoever I wanted and I loved that. I didn’t like the sad, quiet giant I was in any sense, so I changed. Making friends no longer became a priority in my life. It was a “light bulb” kind of moment. Suddenly the stage was set and I couldn’t care less as to who was watching. I heard this sweet lil line and I’ll never
forget it: Living your life to gain friends is a very lonely life to live. In trying to please others, you will never satisfy yourself.

Fast forward to kind of having my life together…??? (That’s a lie, will explain later.) Anyhoo, I’m in college now so I definitely know what I’m doing and who I am (again, sarcasm heavily intended). Being completely honest, I went through a process called “Rush” or “Recruitment.” It’s basically a week where I get to know all the sororities on campus and they get to know me. At the end of the week, I choose my top favorites and they choose a select few girls that they want in their sorority. If they choose me, by God I made it, Mom. Its low-key like matchmaker for groups of girls. I walked into Zeta thinking, “Wow, these girls are all beautiful and know what they are about.” I was terrified and insanely insecure. At this point, I wasn’t about to change myself to fit the mix so I was undeniably Audrey. They were loud and fun and I
loved it because that’s who I am (mostly, loud). Then, I got my letter from them. They chose
me… ME. Wow, I was not ready for that. There I was comparing myself to everyone physically
and yet they chose me along with all the other sweet, beautiful girls I know have to privilege of
calling my “sisters.” People try to stereotype us in many ways. We are all similar and yet so
different and that is why we are beautiful. From the outside looking it, I could’ve sworn it was
because of their Instagram feeds. From the inside looking out, let me tell you, it is because
those girls aren’t afraid of being vulnerable and broken. The exact reason why you needed to
hear these stories.
Let me repeat myself, I will probably never not ask myself the question of “Who am I?” In
a world that is constantly changing, I am constantly moving and molding, too. I will never be one
person. There is always so much to learn. If I ever believe I have my world together, it’s
probably because I’m the farthest from that. I quickly realized that I’m a mess and there’s
nothing I can do about that. I’m loud. I talk even more when I’m nervous or I don’t talk at all. I
like to be alone sometimes. Sometimes, I’m insanely needy. Ultimately, I’m super duper broken.
I have so many health issues and I’m the clumsiest person on the planet. Somedays I’m a
morning person. Other days, I refuse to speak to people prior to 10:00AM. I’ve been frequently
called a Jesus Freak and learned to freaking love it. My personality really cannot be pin-pointed.
There’s one reason and one reason alone why I’m content in not having a definitive answer as
to who I am. If I know who my King is, I know my name.
I know Whose I am.
I am a daughter of the One true King.
We must find solace in the sense that God is and always will be strong enough, brave
enough, and mind-boggling well… enough! I was made in His image to be like Him. We are
striving ever to be like-minded.
Not to show Christ to the world but to be Christ to the world.
It’s not “playing God” when God came down to live within you. There Holy Spirit is alive in you,
friend. A living breathing flame of God is burning inside of you. Read the scriptures. Learn the
fear of the Lord. When God brought Heaven down, He tore the veil and came to call you
“friend.” He dwells inseparably within us. This Love is who you are. This Love is what makes
being broken so beautiful. This Love is the spotlight of our lives so play your part. This Love is
undeniable. This Love is the composition of your very being. From your hair to the work of your
hands, from everlasting to everlasting. This love is mine and I am His.
You are a product of your Creator.
This Love is yours to have and to hold, forever.
This Love is your life. This Love is you. You are the light & salt to the world.
Live it.
Who are you?