Brokenness Restored

“Great is his faithfulness, his mercies begin afresh each morning.”

-Lamentations 3:23

Ever since I attended a private Christian school at the age of 5, my life has radically
changed. Before I went to private school, I knew nothing about Christianity. My parents always
taught me that there is God, but I was not raised to know more than that. They never took me to
church, or read me the Bible. I was lost and blinded to the things of God, until I went to
kindergarten and that is where I was introduced to God more and more. As I became older, I
began to comprehend who God was and what the Bible said. When I got into the 3rd grade, my
teacher would always set aside a time dedicated to listening to worship music and spending time
in God’s Word individually. She called it ‘Jesus time’. She would turn off the lights and let us
have our alone time with God. During one of our Jesus times, my teacher’s aide would always
ask me what was going in my life and if I needed prayer for anything. She was the type of person
that you knew Christ was within her and that she loved the Lord with a passion. I was so inspired
because of her passion, that I asked her “I want to love God and tell others about him. How can I
do that”? She asked me if I was saved and I told her no. “Do you want to be saved?”, she asked
me and I said yes. And at that moment, in my 3rd grade classroom, I gave my life to the Lord. But
this is barely the beginning.

I went through the rest of my elementary years and through middle school, walking with
the Lord, but as I was transitioning from middle school to high school, I slowly began to fall
away from my relationship with God. At the end of my  8th grade year, I started dating a high
school boy. At first the relationship seemed innocent, but we continued to date throughout my
freshman year, and that is where things started to go downhill. After a couple months into my
freshman year, I found out that he was still in love with his ex-girlfriend and wanted to pursue a
relationship with her, even though he was still with me.

We broke up and days later he was texting me saying that he messed up and he wanted to be with me. Of course, I believed him and I gave him another chance. After months and months of this relationship, I found that I was not following the Lord. I began to compromise my beliefs. I started to settle for less and degrade my value, just to please a boy. I did things that I am not proud of, all because I wasn’t heeding the voice of the Lord. Eventually this toxic relationship came to end, and I was completely broken. I fell so far away from the Lord and I questioned whether God was going to forgive me or even if he still loved me. I looked at myself in the mirror and I broke down into tears.

The girl that was staring back at me was not me anymore and it terrified me. In that
moment, in my bedroom, I fell to my knees and I begged the Lord for forgiveness. I pleaded with
him to transform me and to make me a new creation. That night I gave my life back to God. The
healing process was rough. I degraded myself so much, that I lost respect for myself. But the
Lord was there. He continued to be faithful, when I wasn’t. Piece by piece, he redeemed me and
restored me. He is the reason why I stand in victory over my sins today. Since that night, my life
has completely changed and taken a 180 degree turn.

Throughout these times in my life, God revealed to me two big lessons that I didn’t
understand at the time, but I do now.

1. No matter what you do, good or bad, the Lord loves you the same.

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither
death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our
worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s
love.” Romans 8:38
 Whether you are at the highest mountain or in the lowest valley, God’s
love for you will never waiver. It remains the same and so does He.

2. Things of this world will not satisfy. “For he satisfies the thirsty and fills the
hungry with good things.”
Psalms 107: 9
 We were created with a God shaped void, so when we try to fill it with
worldly things, we still feel empty. Be filled with everything that God is
and you will be so satisfied and full of life, rather than chasing things that
will leave you more unhappy than happy.

As I look back on my life, I see that God was there even when I didn’t feel like he was or
when I thought I was far from him. “I can never escape your Spirit! I can never get away
from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are
there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your
hand will guide me, and your strength will support me.” Psalms 139: 7-11. There is nothing
quite like being with God and having that relationship with him, so I encourage you to pursue
God and the things that he offers because that is what we were created for. Always know that
God’s love will never leave you and he won’t either. He is there with you every step of the way!